life has been very down in the dumps lately. the economic recession that apparently does not exist in canada certainly is being felt in this household. i’m forcing myself back to work on a part-time basis, even though it will only pay about 9$ an hour. i need to work. we need the money. and i need to get myself out of the house more.

our wedding is another financial disaster waiting to happen.

i am, in as few words as possible, depressed with my situation.

so, in addition to all this other stuff that is going on, i am planning to open an etsy shop, which will be a combination of my jewelry, my knitting, and eventually some experimental fabric work (thanks mum!):

herinifinitevariety.etsy.com

in all seriousness, i have an essay and presentation for tomorrow, and i ought to get to work, but i’m also just feel very down in the dumps: i have solid skills, mad skills, yet i can’t find work anywhere other than a coffee shop? it’s a very nice coffee shop, but i feel like i deserve more. too bad deserve’s got nothing to do with it. furthermore, i broke the zipper on my boots about four weeks ago, and it took four weeks for town*shoes to tell me that the boots they tried to transfer in got lost, and that i was shit-out-of-luck. so i replaced the zipper myself, only to find that the heel is now breaking. these puppies are going back to the store. they be lemons.

for serious.

credit: foodchic

anyway, the real, sudden reason for this post, is the recent increase in product (red) stuff, such as starbucks’ recent promotion, whereby five cents from each (red) exclusive drink will go towards the global fund.

don’t get me wrong, i think the global fund is a good idea, and i’m all in favour of supporting Africans who need HIV/AIDS medication. but perhaps we’re a little too simple in our acceptance of the project, and its ability to create change. i say this because (red) lacks any sort of transparency, and any ability to measure the changes created.

which, is not hugely surprising. just the fact that i slept in until noon. that part is a bit unlike me. well, not really. but i still didn’t want to do it.

i kind of like that andrew is out playing frisbee one night a week. it lets me catch up on life by itself, without him by my side. i love him dearly, but last night was pretty wonderful.

• i went out for a run, which i never do, but did, and felt great afterwards. only for about 25 minutes, but it was still great.
• i went to starbucks and sat and caught up on emails, and caught up on people for about an hour and a half, which was great, and well needed.
• i came home and played video games.

not a worry in my soul. this was then followed by shit hitting the fan. or at least andrew telling me about said shit. so, needless to say, my peacefulness was interrupted. and for that, he is forgiven.

however, that doesn’t excuse the fact that in some four hours his niece is coming to stay with us overnight. part of the shit hitting the fan. i would be okay with this, but for the fact that the place is a touch messy. and she doesn’t eat anything that hasn’t been dyed or has sugar added to it.

so, off to clean and grocery shop.

]]> http://herinfinitevariety.wordpress.com/2008/11/07/14-the-best-deceptions/feed/ 0 herinfinitevariety http://herinfinitevariety.wordpress.com/2008/11/07/13-salut-petite-folie/ http://herinfinitevariety.wordpress.com/2008/11/07/13-salut-petite-folie/#comments Fri, 07 Nov 2008 03:03:14 +0000 herinfinitevariety http://herinfinitevariety.wordpress.com/?p=60 ]]> goodness.

i worked myself into a frenzy over a boy. who i don’t fancy. at least, not as much as i fancy my fiancé. my partner. the love of my life.

actually, i worked myself into a frenzy over a friendship with a boy, because i feared that he would see it as something more. and i don’t think he will. at least i hope not.

it doesn’t end there folks!

my mother is up her tree again. if she not longer has financial control over me, then why, at twenty-one, does she feel the need to judge and comment on my every move? it’s really unnecessary stress for the two of us.

andrew’s mother has cracked open the nuts at this point. his siter bought a little cat. his niece is allergic to cats. as near as we can tell, said sister is okay with getting rid of the cat. said mother, is less enthused. in fact, full on motherly rage has ensued. andrew, as the middle child, is acting as the moderator in all of this.

really, i can handle one parent, or even two parents, within the same family, hitting the roof. i can handle two sets of parents doing this. what i’m not adept at, however, is both sets of parents hitting the roof at the same time, about two issues that are so ludicrous and ridiculous as a cat, and what it is that i do with my money.

sheer ridiculousness.

i cannot believe, honestly, that i was ever so stressed over a friendship at this point in time. or, perhaps i am also a nut!

more distractions.
quel surprise.

so, last saturday or so, i went down to the marche by (byward market) to get a few groceries, hang around planet coffee, and maybe do a bit of shopping. oh, and to harrass lush, and get free vegan goodies (editor’s note: i do not like firm tofu. only semi-firm to soft. i could never do the vegan thing).

anyway, so, i meandered into said coffee shop, and found myself behind a fairly good-looking individual, who appeared to be one part french, and one part rugged. and i was content to just kind of gaze a little. anyway, he sat down to his happy panini, and i sat down to mine.

then this other guy came in, and sat down with the aforementioned rugged presumed frenchman and they started chatting, mostly because there were no other seats available. they both kept glancing at me, and i was flattered, but little more.

a little while later, whilst i was talking with my mother on the phone (not something i plan on doing in public for a little while at least), the non-rugged guy came and sat at the table next to me, and set up shop. by which i mean, he brought out textbooks, his computer, and a lot of equations. yikes.

he also started talking to me. in a sort of small talk kind of way, which was cute and amusing, but also very distracting, because it equated to my-not-leading-the-conversation but wanting to keep talking.

anyway

i went to said coffee shop today after my first interview, but before my second, to get a quick bite and reorganize my life. i wandered over to my favourite seat near the window with comfy wooden chairs and lots of table space for food/drink/computer/notes/markers.

so, who do you think was at the table next to me?

we ended up having a really good, but short conversation about the world, before i got cut off by my second interview.

i creep. i crept. he told me just enough about him that i was able to track down his email address. so i sent him possibly the most tactful email that i have ever written. seriously. i suck at being tactful. and i recognize that this will be a downfall if i want a coushy government job.

that being said, there will be future meetings at said coffee shop.

that is not to say, however, that i am all out of love. because i’m not.

i just happen to find this indvidual to be a fascinating conversationalist.

and good conversation is hard to come by.

is that so wrong?

]]> http://herinfinitevariety.wordpress.com/2008/11/06/12-distracted-efficiency/feed/ 0 herinfinitevariety dsc_0051 http://herinfinitevariety.wordpress.com/2008/11/02/11-say-yes/ http://herinfinitevariety.wordpress.com/2008/11/02/11-say-yes/#comments Sun, 02 Nov 2008 16:41:25 +0000 herinfinitevariety http://herinfinitevariety.wordpress.com/?p=51 ]]> sunday morning television, on tlc… i was/am watching rich bride, poor bride. the show is absolutely ridiculous. andrew & i were watching “til debt do us part” last week, and the american culture of weddings is decidely insane.

in talking with a bride in the states a few weeks ago, she told me how she felt as though her $14 000 budget was on the low end of weddings stateside. i don’t know what is more disguisting, the brides, or their mothers.

i’m just a little bit glad that my parents have backed out of helping us out, and that the wedding will be that much smaller. it makes me feel good knowing that we are going to be completing in control of the wedding, and that nobody will try to convince me to get a limo. ugh. ew.

first snowfall was today. i’m thrilled. and colder. but better. it’s beautiful.

in other news, i am recovering from the all nighter that left me awake until 7 on monday morning. i am also still gainfull unemployed. i also do not have more money in my account then when i started. i ought to find work faster. sooner. but of course, naturally, as soon as i do, something better will come along. by which i mean something not retail…

i’m just having some organizational block right now. i’ve written most of the paper,but it’s very poorly organized. so i’m surfing the web and hoping for mass inspiration. mostly, i’m finding ani videos. but that’s alright.

the red bull is just now starting to kick in. hrm.

kick. kick. kicking in.

i got no illusions about you, and guess what: i never did. when i said, i would take it. i meant as is.

ceci c’est comment je suis au presente.

andrew is working at bridgehead tonight, doing some painting, and i am neither accustomed, nor used to, sleeping alone. combine that with anxieties about weddings, money, school, and schoolwork, and you have a bonafide blogger up at 2:41 in the morning, with a class at 8:30. what am i doing?

right, i’m looking at wedding dresses like they will all be gone tomorrow. i’ve found a few that i a like, most of which have been about a third of our adjusted budget. basically, my father continued to fuck up my finances until it was too late, and now they, by which i mean i, cannot fund our wedding with stocks in my portfolio. oh, i also need to apply for osap, since my resp went to hell in the process. and i need a job so that i can keep paying rent. all this for a crazy little thing called agency.

i’ve replaced finding things quickly with finding things quickly on a budget of 1/4 what we had planned. bahahaha. fuck.

last week was a total cluster. this week is recovery. i have a strange feeling that this will be the first of many late nights of anxiety, school work, and wedding…stuff.

am i nuts to bake my own wedding cake and then ask my mother/andrew’s mother to assemble it the morning of? are we insane to try and make salad for 45 people? well, yes. but what’s that from stopping us?

steph’s mom passed away on saturday, which is sad, which was to be expected, but which was no less shocking and saddening to me and the rest of the people who knew her. london is calling me. luckily andrew is happy to make this a long (non)-weekend. four or so days in southwestern ontario seems like the last thing i want after the election, but perhaps the first thing that i need–remind me why i don’t agree with my parents politics and such.

but yes, the week was supposed to look like this: election, school, rest, job hunt, school, special engaging speaker at carleton, school.

now it looks like: election.drivetolondon.funeral.schoolwork.spendtimewithpeoplewhichiskindoflikerestingbutnotreally.driveback.jobhunt.groceryshop.

in other words, blurg. i know no one plans their death, but from a purely logistical perspective, blurg. tear. argh. spugh.

Home, the last resort.
Build a castle with an iron door.
Lock the window, pull the shades, the hazed out sun won’t help anyway.